WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
