just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
