watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
