I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
