is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
