i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
