I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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