I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize