Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
