I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
