She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
