Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
