Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
