Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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