party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
