Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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