my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
