ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
