going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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