I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
did i just pee glitter
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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