i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
