I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i will never coherently bang her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
