Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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