We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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