please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am puke
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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