If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
