i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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