We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
