i wish my penis had a tongue
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
