guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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