are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
