put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
