I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
