you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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