You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
