Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
