Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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