I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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