Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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