I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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