Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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