he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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