You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just threw up on my dentist
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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