My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
