I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
