How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
