my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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