So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
