I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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