I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
