When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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