Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
