God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
