It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I party with great urgency now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
