just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sext me about skeletons
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
