If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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