ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I smell like Dick and happiness
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
