Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
