i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
