She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
