I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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