The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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