Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
