ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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