No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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