love makes seman taste better
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
