Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
