I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
