Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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