please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
