the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
