I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
