I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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